Babies Grave

I went this morning to see my little Chases grave. He is in a baby cemetery at Cloverdale. I looked around at all the other baby graves reading how long they had lived, many died the same day they were born, some had flowers and some didn't. I haven't been to his grave in over a year, it might even be 2 years. The pain is too great.

He would be 3 this year, which is crazy. I try not to think of him being an age, it makes it harder. I try not to think of holding him and rocking him to sleep. I try not to think of him smiling and letting me kiss his little face. I try not to think of him starting to talk and walking around. I try not to think of how heart broken I was when I saw his lifeless body on my chest as I held him and cried for the child that would someday be a distant memory. A memory of pain and hurt, oh how I long for that little baby boy.

As I sit here and wipe the tears away I try to find the strength and knowledge that someday I will be able to have another baby that will live and that I will have more happy memories, with a Husband so wonderful to share that with.

He finally got a headstone this year and it looks great. I love you Chase, and I always will. Until we meet again baby boy.

And so now too my loving Heavenly Father, I'm ready for another one.